We Are All Perverts
by Nazaki-Sama
Summary: Just a crack fic I write because I was bored out of my mind. A tough places that our lovely characters were placed in. Read and Find out!


… **We Are All Perverts…**

 _ **Author's note/Warning:**_ This is a heavy Crack story (Or not it is the way you look at it), That I write because I was bored out of my mind and want to know how many of us are a closet perverts. If it offends you, you might want to turn back now. For those that don't mind that, I hope you enjoy the story. All reviews are appreciated.

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ I will only say this once. I don't own anything and make no profit off this story.

* * *

 **LET US BEGIN!**

* * *

Armin hummed softly as he look at his teacher Miss Ral and smile as he stood in front of her. "Can I talk to you Miss after the class end." The 7 years old boy said as Petra look at him with a soft smile.

"Of course dear." She said as she put her book down on the desk. "Now, go to your seat before the classes start." She said earning a happy grin from the boy as he nodded his head and run to his seat.

..

…

..

After the class had end Armin stood in front of Miss Ral's desk as she look at him softly with a smile. "You want to ask me something, right?." At Armin's nod she smile. "Then what is it?." She hummed softly as the boy look at her.

With a look of determined Armin's said. "I feel that I am a lot smarter to stay in the second grad, could you send me to the third grad, please." Armin look at his teacher waiting for her to say something.

Petra look at the boy and hum then give a soft smile at that. "Give me two days so I could talk to principle smith." Armin grin and nodded at that.

..

…

..

Two days later Armin stood in the principle office with miss Ral, Mr. smith look at Armin then smile at the little boy softly. "I considered your request, and going from there I decided to test you so we could decided what to do later. Do you understand?." Mr. smith says as he look at his papers then at Armin.

Armin nodded and grin at that. "Yes sir!." Looking at Mr. smith to start with the test.

Erwin hummed and look at the papers once more and start asking his questions. "3 x 4?."

Armin look at Erwin and said. "12, sir."

"Good, good." Mr. smith said and hummed. "6 x 6?."

"36."

"What is the Capital of Japan?." Erwin asked as he look at the boy.

"Tokyo." Armin says with a look of confidant.

..

…

..

The three of them stayed like this for an hour with Erwin asking questions and Armin answering them all without making any mistakes.

Petra looked at that with hum then smile softly at that. "Can I ask him some questions, sir?." She asked with a smile making Erwin nod his head and take a sip of his glasses of water.

Armin turn to Miss Ral and hummed waiting for the questions to begin.

Petra look at Armin with a smile. "Tell me, what is the thing that the cow have four of and I only have two?." Erwin look at Petra with an eyebrow raising.

"Legs, Miss." Armin hummed as he wait for more quizzes.

"Right." Petra said then hummed. "What do you have in your pants that I don't have in mine?." Erwin gasp in shock then his face turn red from embarrassment.

"Pockets." He said as he frown at Mr. smith's face.

Petra nodded at that. "Where does curly hair exists in women?." Erwin opened his mouth only to look like a fish out of water.

"In Africa." Armin smile at Miss Ral's nod.

"What is the soft thing that in women's hands became hard." She asked. At that Erwin heart stop.

"Manicure." Armin says as he remember his mother putting some of it yesterday.

"What is the thing that men and women have in the middle of their legs." Petra asked with a clap. Erwin was speechless at that, just looking at the two.

"Knees."

"Excellent!." Petra said with a smile. "What does married women have that is bigger than little girls?." She grin when she said that. Erwin freeze at that looking at Petra with even more shock.

"Bed!." Armin says as he start whistling softly, he was feeling a little bit of boredom, and he want to go and play with Eren, who was in the forth grad.

"Good." Petra hummed. "Last question. What is the place in my body, that is wet?." Erwin look at the sky asking for help, he was about to have a heart attack from all of this.

"Your tongue." Armin said as Miss Ral start clapping for him, with pride in her face.

Erwin slammed his face on his desk making Armin jump and look at him. Erwin raise his head and grunt. "Fuck this shitty thinking. You are going to University son. As for me I am returning back to primary school." Erwin grumble making Armin cheer up and run out of the office to tell Eren and Mikasa.

"Are you Ok, sir?." Petra asked making Erwin look at her.

"Don't Petra." Erwin said as he stood up. "Just don't."

* * *

Connie and Sasha were having a sleeping party in Connie's home, the two of them were trying to solve the mystery that had present to them just now.

"Are you a boy or a girl?." The 11 years old boy had asked as he look at Sasha with a narrow eyes then hum.

"I don't know." She said through mouthful of chips as she look at Connie and start huffing as the chips disappear.

"Aha!." Connie said making Sasha look at him and blink. "I will go down and see." He said as he get down between her legs and then get out.

"YOU ARE A GIRL!." He said making Sasha 'oh'-ed at that.

"How did you know?." She said as she spy a bowl of popcorn not far away from her.

"Your socks were pink." Connie said as he took the bowl before Sasha was able to get her hands on in. "Girls don't eat that much." Connie said with a smirk.

At that Sasha growl and attack.

* * *

"Do you remember our first time, Eren?."

At Krista's question everybody spit the food in their mouths, the dining hall become quite as they look at the two teen who were sitting next to each other.

Ymir and Mikasa were gaping at the pair with shock, even Levi had spit his tea and look at his lover with enrage look. If his lover didn't explain this shit to him by the end of the day, he will KILL him.

"Yeah." Eren said and then grunt in displease. "I remember the first time, it was so tight I nearly cry." Eren wince and Krista nodded her head.

"Oh, I did cry, it was painful." Krista wince at the memory. The people all look at the two with their jaws on the floor shocked about that. "At least the second time was bearable, it get wider so it wasn't that much of a problem."

Eren nodded at that and hummed. "Yes. Though it was in the third time that I felt please with the whole thing. Right?." Eren asked making Krista nod and smile at that.

Some of the soldiers freeze and some of them were about to pass out from embarrassment. Levi was about to kill a bitch right now with his murderous face alone. The angel and the titan. Some of the people in here saw it as a fit name for the two couple.

"The Fuck." Ymir growled as she come near Krista looking at her. "Did he force you do _it?_ Please tell me Krista!." She said as she shook her confused girlfriend.

"What are you talking about?." Krista asked as she look at Ymir then at Eren in confuse. Though before Ymir was able to say a thing it was Levi who blow out.

"SEX!." He shrike. "The sex you had with _MY BOYFRIEND!._ " At the word 'boyfriend' the soldiers freeze even more. _SHIT ABOUT TO GO DOWN!_. Was their only thought as they got ready for the murder that would take place in front of them.

Eren raise his brow at that, he furrow his brow then it click and he snort making Levi look at him with a death glare. "We weren't talking about sex." He said as he laugh softly at that.

"Then what were you talking about?." Mikasa said as she look at Eren, if it wasn't sex then what was it? Mikasa frown softly at that.

"We were talking about the shoes!." Krista said with a soft smile making their jaw drop even more at that.

"B-b-b-but you said your first time!." Ymir stuttered as she look at the two of them in confuse.

Eren grin and nodded his head. "The first time the two of us tried the new shoes the military give us at the camp. Me and Krista were sitting next to each other trying the shoes. Only for them to be to small on either of us, the two of us sprayed our ankles that day." Eren laugh at the dumbfounded.

Levi face flush at that and growl, he stood up fast heading to his office trying to run away from the embarrassment. Only for Eren to run after him trying to bring him back and apologize to him.

* * *

Berthold fidget nervously on the exam table then sigh after a while as he look at the doctor. He then sigh softly and start talking t the doctor about his problem. "W-well, after the first time I feel too tired to continue." Then he gulp and sigh. "And after the second I have to rest." He then scratch his head. "And after the third my knees can't hold me anymore."

The doctor raise his brow but hummed anyway, after all a lot of people came to him because they have problem with their sex life, so he won't judge a kid about how many time he wanted to _do it_. After all he heard worst stories.

Then Berthold sigh and continue. "After the forth I feel that my back is about to snap in two. And after the fifth-"

"Wait a minute!." The doctor said with his jaw on the floor, how many time can this kid go at it until he was tired. "There is a fifth too!.".

Berthold sweat at that. "Of course, I live on the sixth floor." He said as he look at the doctor nervously as sweat start creeping down his forehead.

The doctor look at Berthold with an opened mouth. _Well shit._

* * *

Eren was sitting in the living room reading a book, after all he have nothing to do other than that. he felt the couch deep and he look at his right side.

Grisha groan softly massaging his neck, then he look at his 15 years old son who was looking at him with an eyebrow raising. Grisha just sigh and look up, then he brighten up at the thought of teaching his son something to take with him when he grow up and marry.

Eren just shrug his shoulders returning back to his book only for Grisha to start talking cutting him from finishing the book. "Do you know that there is two move that the husband and wife had to learn to enjoy their life's."

Eren raise his brow at that, hoping That his wouldn't give him 'the talk' after all it was enough that his mother had give it to him when he was 10.

Grisha smile seeing that he have his son attention now. "A move that the men do, that women love desperately!." Eren sweat drop at that trying to inch away from his father in hope that he would take the massage, only he didn't.

Grisha look at his son then grin. "He only have to put his hand in his pocket and flash his money out! Women really love this move."

Eren blink at that then blink again. That…. that wasn't what he had in mind, really it wasn't.

"And a move that the wife do with her tongue that the man want it disparately!." Eren frown and sigh at that waiting for his father to finish so he could run to his boyfriend's house. He miss Levi.

"She have to put it in her mouth and shout up!." He said proudly like he had explain the meaning of life to his son.

Eren slowly and I mean slowly put his book down and stood up, he look at his father and cross his arms with smirk. "It would have been a great lesson, dad." At that Grisha raise his brow. "I am gay."

With that Eren left his father gaping at him from behind, as he headed to the front door so he could headed to his lover house.

* * *

So what do you think?

I was bored out of my mind, so I decided to do something funny so I could cheer myself.

Wow, I didn't know that my mind was that pervert, to make something innocent that fucked up.

 **Read and Review.**

and let me knew what you think. I am always open for suggestions.

 _ **Nazaki-Sama.**_


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